April, 2015

This installment of “This Month in Pun” is brought to you by A Cut Above – Tree Surgeons. Contact R. Axel Fellum, Chief Surgeon, who says, “Our bite is worse than your bark.” Locations throughout Pun with corporate headquarters at 223 Wendy Bough Braxe Road, Fort Etrees, Pun.

After a particularly severe winter, Spring again has returned to Pun, characterized by temperate weather across most of the island and seasonal precipitation in the form of the Claude Rains. Early in the month, however, a low pressure area will be stalled over the northeast and consequently many inhabitants of this area will be feeling under the weather.

April 4: April 4 is Doris Day in Pun, a national holiday honoring Doris O’Pun, a revolutionary leader during the rebellion of 1800 which opened the door to constitutional government in Pun. Check with local city tourist bureaus for information on local celebration events. The O’Pun Arms Hotel (named for Doris O’Pun) in Pun City is offering discount rates on its rooms for the weekend festivities in the capital. Built in 1875, the O’Pun Arms is one of Pun’s oldest and grandest hotels, hospitable and inviting.

April 11: Young and old alike look forward to the annual re-opening of Shadowlands Theme Park just south of Fort Knight in central Pun. At Shadowland, you can hearken back to the days of Pun’s Dark Ages (the Age of Knights). Visitors to the this medieval village can find adventure on thrill rides such as the “Dragontrain” roller coaster, frolic on a typical village common in the “Plague Ground,” watch simulated torturs and beheadings at “Rack and Roll at the Palace,” or get a bite to eat at “Serf’s Up.” Music is provided by a wandering band of musicians, The Minstrel Cycle, all of whom play period instruments.

April 11-18: This week on the Bikini Islands finds the Bum’s Rush Festival in full swing. The highlights are the Keister Parade held on the 11th and an Irish-themed semi-nude beauty contest, the Erin-Go-Bragh-less Pageant, on the 18.

April 20-26: This week the town of Coopdyville hosts the Punderground Festival but, as usual, we advise that you skip this event. Back in the 1920s, the street level around the old courthouse in the downtown area was raised. The stores on two adjoining streets, Investigation Alley and Contempt Avenue, were buried underground. In the 1980s, these underground shops were re-opened by entrepreneurs and the Punderground was born. It was designed to be home to trendy shops, restaurants and taverns but now sports a notorious reputation for high prices and outright fraud. Many of the shops are under Investigation and most of the rest are beneath Contempt. In addition, part of the city’s old sewer system has been turned into a water park called Sewerslide. If you choose to attend, you’ll find the most reputable shops to be Peter’s Cellars (a wine shop), Subs Terranean (featuring health-food sandwiches based mainly on locally grown mushrooms), Buried Treasures (antiques), Deep Doodoo (organic fertilizers based mainly on locally grown mushrooms), the Doughnut Hole (pastries), and The Under Warehouse (lingerie).

All Month: Huckleberry is a small picturesque fishing village on the west shore of the Bay of DeHounds. The waterfront at Marina Harrah is the site of A Thousand Tanks, the Pun Oceanographic Institute. This month, you can tour the institute and learn of new and exciting areas of marine exploration. Recently, the institute has been studying the Drum Fish (or Gene Grouper), one of a family of Percussion Fish, which make small explosive sounds to as a symbol of territoriality and to attract and snare their prey. The Drum Fish and others in the Percussion family, such as the Glockensp Eel, the Tamb Marine, and the Ringo Starfish, often turn up in the nets of local tri-anglers and are of great interest to marimba-ologists.