This installment of “This Month in Pun” is brought to you by Bootie and Sole, which offers shoes for all ages. Bootie and Sole’s motto is “For leather or lace, this is the place. From cradle to grave, we’ll fit and you’ll rave.” Located at 14EEE High Arch Way, Doctor Shoals, Pun.
After a rather brutal winter, Spring again has returned to Pun, characterized by temperate weather across most of the island and seasonal precipitation in the form of the Claude Rains. Early in the month, however, a low pressure area will be stalled over the northwest and consequently many inhabitants of this area will be feeling under the weather.
April 4: April 4 is Doris Day in Pun, a national holiday honoring Doris O’Pun, a revolutionary leader during the rebellion of 1800 which opened the door to constitutional government in Pun. Check with local city tourist bureaus for information on local celebration events. The O’Pun Arms Hotel (named for Doris O’Pun) in Pun City is offering discount rates on its rooms for the week’s festivities in the capital. Built in 1875, the O’Pun Arms is one of Pun’s oldest and grandest hotels, hospitable and inviting.
April 6: Young and old alike look forward to the annual re-opening of Shadowlands Theme Park just south of Fort Knight in central Pun. At Shadowland, you can hearken back to the days of Pun’s Dark Ages (the Age of Knights). Visitors to the this medieval village can find adventure on thrill rides such as the “Dragontrain” roller coaster, frolic on a typical village common in the “Plague Ground,” pick a crossbow and a quarrel at the “Archery Bunker,” watch simulated torture and beheadings at “Rack and Roll at the Palace,” get a bite to eat at “Serf’s Sup,” compare the way of life of the affluent and downtrodden at “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famished.”and enjoy the daily parade of costumed cast members, the “Motley Crusade.” Music is provided by a wandering band of musicians, The Minstrel Cycle, all of whom play period instruments.
April 6: Pun’s oldest horse racing venue, Upson Downs, hosts the 100th running of the Porterhouse Stakes. At press time, the horses listed for this race, their post positions and their odds were as follows: 1. Working Day 9 to 5 2. Countdown’s End 10 to 1, 3. Eventide 1 to 1, 4. Up By One 3 to 2, 5. Early Morning Time 5 to 1, 6. Lawn Gods 50 to 1, 7. Later Morning Time 7 to 3, 8. Nickles Per Dollar 20 to 1, 9. Snowflake In Hell 1,000,000 to 1. Two other horses were also in the field but Introvert was withdrawn and Poison Ivy was scratched.
April 8-14: This week on the Bikini Islands finds the Bum’s Rush Festival in full swing. The highlights are the Keister Parade held on the 11th and an Irish-themed semi-nude beauty contest, the Erin-Go-Bragh-less Pageant, on the 14th.
April 23-28: This week the town of Coopdyville hosts the Punderground Festival but, as usual, we advise that you skip this event. Back in the 1920’s, the street level around the old courthouse in the downtown area was raised. The stores on two adjoining streets, Investigation Alley and Contempt Avenue, were buried underground. In the 1980’s, these underground shops were re-opened by entrepreneurs and the Punderground was born. It was designed to be home to trendy shops, restaurants and taverns but now sports a notorious reputation for high prices and outright fraud. Many of the shops are under Investigation and most of the rest are beneath Contempt. In addition, part of the city’s old waste disposal system has been turned into a water park called Sewerslide. If you choose to attend, you’ll find the most reputable shops to be Peter’s Cellars (a wine shop), Subs Terranean (featuring health-food sandwiches based mainly on locally grown mushrooms), Buried Treasures (antiques), Down Under (Australian goose-feather pillows and comforters), Deep Doodoo (organic fertilizers based mainly on locally grown mushrooms), the Doughnut Hole (pastries), Rock Bottom (geodes, gems and Depression-Era glass), and The Under Warehouse (lingerie).
All Month: To celebrate it’s 51st anniversary, The Game Room restaurant in Electri City is offering discounts on its meals. Sublime tastes will compete for you attention as you sample the wonderful cuisine of The Game Room. Try the Chicken Croquet, Rubix Cube Steak, a salmon dish such as Parr-Cheesy, or an exotic Pool Shark filet as an entree. The summer squash and Monterrey Jacks are also delicious and don’t miss the Dice Rolls, marble cakes and chess pie for dessert. After dinner, relax with a bit of gin or Hop’s Scotch and you’ve got the makings of a winning evening.
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