This installment of “This Month in Pun” is brought to you by Pun’s self help group for compulsive talkers, On and On Anon. Check your local mental health providers for group meetings in your area. Forget what you’ve heard about other compulsive talker treatments. On and On Anon will leave you speechless.
August 1-31: For the entire month of August, the Dog Days celebration takes place in Baskerville in northwestern Pun. Baskerville is widely known as the dog-breeding capital of the island. Many breeds of dogs, found only on Pun, originated here, including the the Allyn Shepherd, the Penny Pinscher, the Finger Pointer, the Jonathon Livingstone Beagle, the Knitten Afghan, the Angela Basset, the Kathy Griffon, the Beemiup Scottie, the Bull Shih Tzu, the Habla Spaniel, the Melon Collie, the Harmonna Cur, and the Jimmy Crack Cairn. Many activities are planned and include free trips across the Bay of DeHounds on the Hounds Tooth Ferry. The festivities conclude on the 31st with the National Dog Show finals and the naming of the Best Dog in Show. Last year, the winner was Barf, a Skool-Kaffa Terrier. Another highlight of the show is the customary singing of the puppy judges’ song, “I’m Going to Sit Right Down and Rate Myself a Litter.”
August 3-4: Nachos Island, off Pun’s southern coast, hosts the Chili con Carnival, with its chili cooking competition. Four years ago, a new category – Hot and Sole – was added to introduce fish chili to the competition and was a big success. Last year, ingredients such as soy, quinoa, and kale were introduced in another new category called “Go To Health.” Commemorative T-shirts of the cook-off are available and feature the carnival slogan, “Bean There – Downed That.”
August 10-11: Courtens Park in Pun City is the site of this year’s National Kiss-Off, where couples kiss and try to be the last one off the buss. Once again, the competition’s festivities include romantic poetry recitations by Pun’s Poet Laureate Wordsworth Reeding, and love songs sung by Spanish songstress Bessie Mae Mucho.
All month: All this month, Bea’s Wax Museum is cutting admission prices in celebration of its 52nd anniversary. Madame Toussaud can’t hold a candle to Bea Keeper, who has a wicked way with wax. Her creations represent all walks of life from the well-heeled to the pedestrian. Visitors can meet hundreds of notables from Pun history such as railroad tycoon Chevalle D. Cole, Lord I.C. Liverspots (The Earl of Olay), songstress Carrie Oakie, race car driver Mario Speedwagon, champion wrestler Matt Burns, Italian-born general Vinnie Vidivici, and revolutionary martyrs Ouida Peeple and Doris O’Pun. In the Chamber of Horrors are represented the infamous such as highwaymen Avery Juan Reech and Stan “Dandy” Liver and the criminal duo of Phil O’Nee and Misty Meaner.
This issue is dedicated to the memory of the late Marcus Tardy, President of the Pun Procrastination Society.
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