This installment of “This Month on Pun” is brought to you by Invictus Shoes, found in fine shoe stores throughout Pun. From its corporate headquarters in Foot Falls, Invictus Shoes strives to help you embrace its motto: “I am the master of my feet; I am the captain of my soles.”

August 1-31: For the entire month of August, the Dog Days celebration takes place in Baskerville in northwestern Pun. Baskerville is widely known as the dog-breeding capital of the island. Many breeds of dogs, found only on Pun, originated here, including the Allyn Shepherd, the Ferlin Husky, the Penny Pinscher, the Johnathan Livingston Beagle, and the Beemiup Scottie. Many activities are planned and include free trips across the Bay of DeHounds between Baskerville and Huckleberry on the Hounds Tooth Ferry. The festivities conclude on the 31st with the National Dog Show and the naming of the Best Dog in Show, won last year by Perro, an Habla Spaniel. Another highlight of the show is the customary singing of the puppy judges song, “I’m Going to Sit Right Down and Rate Myself a Litter.”

August 2-3: Nachos Island, off Pun’s southern coast, hosts the Chili con Carnival, with its chili cooking competition. This year, a new category – Hot and Sole – has been added to introduce fish chili to the competition. Commemorative T-shirts of the cook-off are popular with the crowds and feature the carnival slogan, “Bean There – Downed That.”

August 16-17: Courtens Park in Pun City is the site of this year’s National Kiss-Off, where couples kiss and try to be the last ones off the buss. This year’s festivities include romantic poetry recitations by Wordsworth Reading, Pun’s Poet Laureate, and love songs sung by Spanish songstress Bessie Mae Mucho.

August 30: A commemorative celebration of the rebuilding of Darwin’s Garage, a once famous landmark in Pun City takes place today. This is the site where Pun anthropologist Eve O’Lucien teamed up with military industrialist Darwin Savoir on an experiment involving Rhesus monkeys. Theorizing that monkeys could be trained to do mechanical tasks, the two placed one in Darwin’s Garage and put it to work on military vehicles. It immediately invented the monkey wrench. Soon, other garage owners were clamoring for grease monkeys of their own. “Simian ape,quick,” they’d plead. The experiment proved to be an unqualified success until a member of Darwin’s team tried to teach the monkeys to weld. One monkey got too near a gas pump and the resulting explosion leveled the garage and littered the surrounding area with Rhesus pieces.