This installment of “This Month in Pun” is brought to you by Omar Akin Bach, Chiropractor. Located at the corner of Twist and Popp in Back Bend, Pun, Omar says, “Forget what you might have heard; we’ll straighten you out.” Bach is ably assisted by his chiropractic colleague, Lucinda Joints. Bach also states that he deeply regrets the bad publicity his office has received in recent weeks and adds that Joy Bringer, the masseuse that joined his team recently, is no longer associated with the practice after being arrested by police for rubbing people the wrong way.
January 5-7:Get away from the cold winter of north Pun by taking in the Fedder Rallies, Baja-style road races held this Friday through Sunday just outside the south Pun town of San Inyorchoos, also known as Sunburnadino. The rallies are held on the salt beds of what used to be a large body of water, Lake O’Lamb, that once existed north of the city. At one time, its shore was home to the Dalai Parton, titular head and chief prophet of a mystical religious cult who arrived from Back Bend as part of a prophet-sharing plan.. The Dalai Parton’s followers proclaimed him a messiah and believed he could perform miracles and walk on water. He never got the chance to prove the latter, however, because Lake O’Lamb dried up, leaving the prophet without a lake to stand on. If desert excursions are your cup of tea, take the opportunity while you’re attending the rallies, to rent a camel from The Camelot (home of the Knights of the Round Stable) and explore on your own.
January 13-14: The town of New Monia celebrates its founding this weekend with exhibits and a parade. Located on Pun’s eastern coast, the town’s name was originally spelled Numonia in honor of its founder, 15th century Portuguese explorer Joaquin Numonia. Numonia’s flagship, the Plura Sea, is on display in the city’s maritime museum in the Colla Dock area. A sled dog race along the waterfront, the Sea Spot Run, is also scheduled. If you’re looking for a good place to eat while in New Monia, try Casa Blanca. This fine restaurant is owned and operated by Sam Blanca, who has perfected the preparation of seafood to a fine art. Filet it again, Sam.
January 20-21: The Tchaikov Ski Lodge in central Pun is the site for this weekend’s Eiffel Downhill Ski Championship. Ski industry manufacturers from all over the island will be on hand promoting their products and hoping for endorsements from the top skiers who will be in attendance, such as Al Pine, Cher Lift, Telly Yuride, Bunny Slope, Ava Lanch, Sugar Lofe, Moe Gull and even rapper-turned-skier T-Bar.
This weekend also finds the waters of Dire Straits the site of the “Regatta Get Out of This Place” sailboat races. Boat entries this year include O’Pun Sea, Hang on Sloop, Loco Mocean, Tom Cruiser, Ruby Yacht, Aquaholic, Sea Yawl, Second Wind, Just Mist, Seaweed Dreams, Midlife Cry Seas, Mizzen in Action, last year’s winner, Wave Goodbye. as well as the runner up, All For Knot.
All Month: Celebrating the 83rd anniversary of its opening in 1935, Home Plate restaurant in Mimiatda Station in central Pun has specials going on all month long. Located in the same town as the Pun Baseball Hall of Fame, the restaurant was established by Pun baseball legend Bubba Leenhot. Home Plate offers good food at prices that won’t make you balk. Try the Batter Up Pancakes for breakfast or the Fielder’s Choice Buffet for lunch. For supper, there are any number of succulent dishes such as Baltimore Chops, Bunted Fowl or Granny’s Lamb, garnished with National or American Leeks. There’s a seafood special (Basket Catch), a meatless dish (Goose Eggs), and assorted pickles, jams and Cracker Jack cheese. And for dessert, try the Wild Peaches. A sure hit.