This installment of “This Month in Pun” is brought to you by Abb Originals. See Abb Originals for all of your prehistoric fashion needs, including furs, pelts, bones, teeth, feathers, and our specialty – stone-washed jeans. Located at 327 Hunter’s Way, Iceburgh, Pun – the same location for the past 20,000 years.

January 9-11:Get away from the cold winter of north Pun by taking in the Fedder Rallies, Baja-style road races held this Friday through Sunday just outside the south Pun town of San Inyorchoos, also known as Sunburnadino. The rallies are held on the salt beds of what used to be a large body of water, Lake O’Lamb, that once existed north of the city. At one time, its shore was home to the Dalai Parton, titular head and chief prophet of a mystical religious cult who arrived from Back Bend as part of a prophet-sharing plan.. The Dalai Parton’s followers proclaimed him a messiah and believed he could perform miracles and walk on water. He never got the chance to prove the latter, however, because Lake O’Lamb dried up, leaving the prophet without a lake to stand on. If dessert excursions are your cup of tea, take the opportunity while you’re attending the rallies, to rent a camel from The Camelot (home of the Knights of the Round Stable) and explore on your own.

January 17-18: The town of New Monia celebrates its founding this weekend with exhibits and a parade. Located on Pun’s eastern coast, the town’s name was originally spelled Numonia in honor of its founder, 15th century Portuguese explorer Joaquin Numonia. Numonia’s flagship, the Plura Sea, is on display in the city’s maritime museum in the Colla Dock area. A 10K road race along the waterfront, the Sea Spot Run, is also scheduled.

January 24-25: The Tchaikov Ski Lodge in central Pun is the site for this weekend’s Eiffel Downhill Ski Championship. Ski industry moguls from all over the island will be on hand promoting their products and hoping for endorsements from the top skiers who will be in attendance, such as Al Pine, Bunny Slope, Ava Lanch, and even rapper-turned-skier T-Bar.

This weekend also finds the waters of Dire Staits the site of the Regatta Get Out of This Place sailboat races. Boat entries this year include O’Pun Sea, Tom Cruiser, Ruby Yacht, Second Wind, Seaweed Dreams, Midlife Cry Seas, and last year’s winner, Wave Goodbye.

All Month: Celebrating the 80th anniversary of its opening in 1935, Home Plate restaurant in Mimiatda Station in central Pun has specials going on all month long. Located in the same town as the Pun Baseball Hall of Fame, the restaurant was established by baseball legend Bubba Leenhot. Home Plate offers good food at prices that won’t make you balk. Try the Batter Up Pancakes for breakfast or the Fielder’s Choice Buffet for lunch. For supper, there are any number of succulent dishes such as Bunted Fowl or Granny’s Lamb, garnished with National or American Leeks. And for dessert, try the Wild Peaches. A sure hit.

Month-long National Book Tour: Pun Poet Laureate Wordsworth Reeding will be speaking and signing copies of his new book “How to Write Poetry” at venues throughout the island all month long. Check local bookstores for date and time details. In this new book, Reeding takes the reader through the fundamental elements of his craft. His chapter on rhyme, “Resounding Success,” explains the intricacies of rhyming with the use of some of Reeding’s own works such as “June/Moon/Spittoon.” His chapter on meter, “Feet, Don’t Fail Me Now,” touches on all types of poetic feet from Shakespeare’s iambic pentatmeter to Pun poet R. U. Dunne’s long and tedious prosaic kilometer. Reading also includes chapters on metaphor and simile (“A Clash of Symbols”), on blank and free verse (Without Rhyme or Reason”), as well as the concluding chapter that helps the aspiring poet to bring all the preceding elements together (“The Verse Is Yet to Come”). Reeding’s text forever dispels the notion that writing poetry is strictly for the bards.