This installment of “This Month in Pun” is brought to you by O. Malone Security Systems. Think O. Malone when there’s cause for alarm. Located in Fort Etude, Pun.
May 1: At Forest Landing, a town on the Stream of Consciousness, the Pun Communist Party holds its yearly May Day celebration. The party’s society for men (The Marx Brothers) and its female counterpart (the Lenin Sisters), hold rallies, give speeches and, in general, attempt to recapture the glory of the Tsar Wars. Another Communist rally will take place in San Inyorchoos in southwest Pun at a restaurant called A Familiar Fez. The restaurant specializes in Arabian cuisine and is located across from the Camel Lot. The restaurant’s name refers to the fezzes worn by a fanatical Communist organization known as the Rogue Island Reds, who regularly met at this site. In 1915, this fez and cape wearing group attempted to stage the infamous Cock-a-Doodle Coup. The Reds objective was to overthrow the government by pullets, not ballots. To a man, each member had vowed, if not successful in the attempt, to die with his fez and capon. The Reds’ first seditious endeavor was an assault on the arsenal at Duck Downs. But the attack never got off the ground. A dispirited faction of the Reds, known as the Cock-A-Doodle Dandies, failed to show up at the rendezvous point and the attack had to be cancelled. The leader of the Reds, Layne Hens, denounced the Dandies as cowards. In an attempt to re-establish their honor, the Dandies, led by Rooster Cockborn, hatched a plot to raid the arsenal on their own. Ill equipped and out-manned, the raiders were soon discovered, quickly succumbed to government shelling, and eventually cracked. The coup a failure, the conspirators were all banished to Eggs Isle in the Ova Bight (now Center Isle of Honorondo Bay) where they lived out their lives and died martyrs to their cause. Despite the fact that the restaurant is named A Familiar Fez, you don’t see many fezzes around Pun these days. Apparently it is a fez only a martyr can love.
May 7-8: Check out the William Frolic in the town of Babaloo on Santa Lucia (the Isle of Lucy). Once again, except for the traditional grape-stomping, candy-eating competitions, and Conga demonstrations, and the annual performance by the zany rock band Dizzy Lou, activities for this year’s Frolic were not available at press time. Expect the unexpected and you won’t be disappointed. Usually, everybody has a ball.
May 21: Once again, it’s Dennis Day in Pun City in honor of Seeyor Dennis, one of Pun’s most creative citizens. Dennis was a noted architect, engraver, and designer. He constructed many of the country’s bridges, engraved the currency plates,and designed the royal crowns. His house, in Tooth Acres at the corner of Ake and Payne, is open wide from 9-5 daily for tours.
May 12-15: We don’t know why we even publicize the Lazy Fair, held these four days at Fort Ewinks. No activities are planned, no arts and crafts demonstrated or displayed. Tourists are advised to leave this one alone.
All month: Admission fees are greatly reduced this month at Pun City’s Aboynem Zoo. The zoo is one of the most delightful attractions in Pun City and a must-see for tourists. Because Pun is an isolated island, the animal life is unique. Simulated natural environments showcase the wildlife to its best advantage. The “Tenk Yew Berry Marsh” simulates the environments of the Huckleberry Fen and Howe’s Bayou regions of the island. You’ll see Mad Adders and Dew Azure Toads and shore birds including George and Bugsy Sea Gulls, Frasier and Niles Cranes and Wright, Yu, and Leff Terns. The “Ape Pre-Cut Preserve” chronicles the devastating effects that rain forest clearing is having on the homes of mountain gorillas and and other species, such as the Barbara Mandrill, the Gray Disc Ape, and the Urban Gorilla. The special class of animals in the “Black Boar Jungle” offers a mix of savage and violent predators, such as the Dotted Lion and the Rod’s Tiger (which only hunts in the heat of the night). The “Borntabee Wilds” replicates Pun’s grasslands areas. You’ll see Saracen Roebuck, Hecklin Jackals, and Dix Eland, to name but a few. The “Forty Birds Aviary” is dedicated to preserving and replenishing the forty kinds of birds currently on Pun’s endangered species list. Here you’ll see the Harda Swallow, Peter Finch, Oh Jay, Christopher Robin, Sanfran Siskin, Baldy Moore Oriole, and Saint Louis Cardinal. The “Dubbelon Tundra” exhibit presents many of the inhabitants of the same-named area of northern Pun, including the Wooly Bully, Cold Turkey, Chilly Dog, and North Pole Cat. The Zoo’s Aquarium, “Dire Straits,” is named for the waterway off Pun’s west coast. This heavily polluted area of Pun’s seashore contains fish that are incorporating the pollution detritus into their biology, resulting in cybernetic fish such as those exhibited here. You’ll see the Scrappie, Scum Sucker, Garbage Man-O-War, Grunt of the Litter, and the Plastic Sturgeon. The creepy “Crawley Insectatorium”,features insects and bugs from all over Pun, including the Pop Fly, Brie Fleas, Gemini Crickets, Correz Pond Ants, and the No-See-Um (The Imagine Gnat). The “For River and Ever” exhibit tells the story of conservation efforts on Pun’s inland waterways, including Jimmida Creek, Crimea River, Dadooron Run and Stream of Conciousness, to name but a few. Here you’ll see river denizens like the Hareep Otter, the Leevitta Beaver, the Odie Hyu Manatee, the Elijah Woodchuck, and the Elon Muskrat. And brand new this year is the “Taloned Scouts” birds of prey exhibit, featuring avian predators such as the Orr Kestrel, the Goflya Kite, the Anna Condor, the Add Hawk, Ford Falcon, the Spredd Eagle, and the Beached Owl. There is also a petting zoo for the kids at “Nocturnal Farm” where children can come face to face with Night Mares, Rapid Hartebeests, and Gotch Ewes. There’s a lot to see and do at Aboynem Zoo, so plan on spending several days.
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