April 2024

This installment of “This Month in Pun” is brought to you by Nytakes Pawn.  Pawnshop owner, Chick Mait, says, “Nytakes Pawn is the place where you’ll never get rooked.”  Located at 2D Bishop’s Row (near Castle-Queen Side Hotel), Pun City, Pun.

After a rather brutal winter, Spring again has returned to Pun, characterized by temperate weather across most of the island and seasonal precipitation in the form of the Claude Rains. Early in the month, however, a low pressure area will be stalled over the southeast and consequently many inhabitants of this area will be feeling under the weather.

April weekends: Young and old alike look forward to the annual re-opening of Shadowlands Theme Park just south of Fort Knight in central Pun. At Shadowland, you can hearken back to the days of Pun’s Dark Ages (the Age of Knights). Visitors to the this medieval village can find adventure on thrill rides such as the “Dragontrain” roller coaster, frolic on a typical village common in the “Plague Ground,” pick a crossbow and a quarrel at the “Archery Bunker,” watch simulated torture and beheadings at “Rack and Roll at the Palace,” get a bite to eat at “Serf’s Sup,”  “Fryer Tuck’s,” or “Mutton Jeff’s,” find medieval attire to fit every taste and budget at “Hides and Chic”, “Tailor Maids”, “The Mail (and Fe-Mail) Room”, and “Knights in White Satin,” compare the way of life of the affluent and downtrodden at “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famished,” learn from an expert stone-cutter how to carve grotesque stone faces at Gargoyle! with Sol Twadder, enjoy a complementary cup of tea and listen to travelers’ tales at “Cup and Chaucer,” located on Canterbury Trail, master the art of tossing and catching with Gofer the Juggler, explore spells, potions and amulets that work like a charm in the many shops along Every Witch Way, and enjoy the daily parade of costumed cast members, the “Motley Crusade.” Music is provided by a wandering band of musicians, The Minstrel Cycle, all of whom play period instruments.  And, new this year, the 2nd and 4th weekends of the month will be Pirate Days.  The village will be invaded by the crews of legendary Pun pirates Cap’n Gown and Long John Undaweyer.

April 4:April 4 is Doris Day in Pun, a national holiday honoring Doris O’Pun, a revolutionary leader during the rebellion of 1800 which opened the door to constitutional government in Pun. Check with local city tourist bureaus for information on local celebration events. The O’Pun Arms Hotel (named for Doris O’Pun) in Pun City is offering discount rates on its rooms for the week’s festivities in the capital. Built in 1875, the O’Pun Arms is one of Pun’s oldest and grandest hotels, hospitable and inviting.

April 7-13: This week on the Bikini Islands finds the Bum’s Rush Festival in full swing. The highlights are the Keister Parade held on the 9th and an Irish-themed semi-nude beauty contest, the Erin-Go-Bragh-less Pageant, on the 13th.

April 14-20: This week the town of Coopdyville hosts the Punderground Festival but, as usual, we advise that you skip this event. Back in the 1920’s, the street level around the old courthouse in the downtown area was raised. The stores on two adjoining streets, Investigation Alley and Contempt Avenue, were buried underground. In the 1980’s, these underground shops were re-opened by entrepreneurs and the Punderground was born. It was designed to be home to trendy shops, restaurants and taverns but now sports a notorious reputation for high prices and outright fraud. Many of the shops are under Investigation and most of the rest are beneath Contempt. In addition, part of the city’s old waste disposal system has been turned into a water park called Sewerslide. If you choose to attend, you’ll find the most reputable shops to be Peter’s Cellars (a wine shop), Subs Terranean (featuring health-food sandwiches based mainly on locally grown mushrooms), Buried Treasures (antiques), Down Under (Australian goose-feather pillows and comforters), Deep Doodoo (organic fertilizers based mainly on locally grown mushrooms), the Doughnut Hole (pastries), Rock Bottom (geodes, gems and Depression-Era glass), Pit Stop (deodorants), and The Under Warehouse (lingerie).

All Month: To celebrate it’s 55rd anniversary, The Game Room restaurant in Electri City is offering discounts on its meals. Sublime tastes will compete for your attention over checkered tablecloths as you sample the wonderful cuisine of The Game Room. Try the Chicken Croquet, Rubix Cube Steak, a salmon dish such as Parr-Cheesy, or an exotic Pool Shark filet as an entree. The summer squash and Monterrey Jacks are also delicious and don’t miss the Dice Rolls, Guitar Heroes, or the  marble cakes and chess pie for dessert. After dinner, relax with a bit of gin or Hop’s Scotch and you’ve got the makings of a winning evening.

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