This installment of “This Month in Pun” is brought to you by By The Rules Kindergarten, which offers “Conservative Instruction for Young Children.” Their fine teaching staff include Cher Withothers, Dawn Fyte, Ray Sirhan, Donnie DePaste, Myna U. Manners, and Nefertiti Honda Floor.
August 1-31: For the entire month of August, the Dog Days celebration takes place in Baskerville in northwestern Pun. Baskerville is widely known as the dog-breeding capital of the island. Many breeds of dogs, found only on Pun, originated here, including the the Watsop Dachshund, Allyn Shepherd, the Beemiup Scottie, the Jonathon Livingstone Beagle, the Knitten Afghan, the Angela Basset, both the Kathy and Merv Griffon, the Penny Pinscher, the Skye Lab, the Bull Shih Tzu, the Punch-Drunk Boxer, the Habla Spaniel, the Melon Collie, the Joe Cocker Spaniel, the Harmonna Cur, the Finger Pointer, and the Jimmy Crack Cairn. Many activities are planned and include free trips across the Bay of DeHounds on the Hounds Tooth Ferry. The festivities conclude on the 31st with the National Dog Show finals and the naming of the Best Dog in Show. Last year, the winner was Barf, a Skool-Kaffa Terrier. Another highlight of the show is the customary singing of the puppy judges’ song, “I’m Going to Sit Right Down and Rate Myself a Litter.”
August 1-2: Nachos Island, off Pun’s southern coast, hosts the Chili con Carnival, with its chili cooking competition. Eleven years ago, a new category – Hot and Sole – was added to introduce fish chili to the competition and was a big success. Seven years ago, ingredients such as soy, quinoa, and kale were introduced in a category called “Go To Health.” Six years ago, a new category featuring liver and tripe was tested under the category name, “Blood and Guts,” but it was not continued because it turned out to be offal. Instead, five years ago a spicy chicken chili category was introduced called “Pullet Surprise.” Four years ago, rattlesnake meat was the surprise ingredient in a new category, “Bite Back Chili.” Three years ago, lamb was featured in a brand new category, “Ewe Bean Served.” Two years ago, the new ingredient, crab meat, was introduced in a new category, “Claw in Order.” Although no new categories are planned for this year, commemorative T-shirts of the cook-off are available and feature the carnival slogan, “Bean There – Downed That.”
August 8-9: Courtens Park in Pun City is the site of the annual National Kiss-Off, where couples kiss and try to be the last one off the buss. Once again, the competition’s festivities include romantic poetry recitations by Pun’s Poet Laureate Wordsworth Reeding, romantic ballads sung by The Tulips, and love songs sung by Spanish songstress Bessie Mae Mucho.
All month: All this month, Bea’s Wax Museum is cutting admission prices in celebration of its 59th anniversary. Madame Toussaud can’t hold a candle to Bea Keeper, who has a wicked way with wax. Her creations represent all walks of life from the well-heeled to the pedestrian. Visitors can meet hundreds of notables from Pun history such as railroad tycoon Chevalle D. Cole, Lord I.C. Liverspots (The Earl of Olay), songstress Carrie Oakie, race car driver Mario Speedwagon, mystery writer Penny Dreadful, western writer, Hal Bentford Leather, champion wrestler Matt Burns, Italian-born general Vinnie Vidivici, and revolutionary martyrs Ouida Peeple and Doris O’Pun. In the Chamber of Horrors are represented the infamous such as highwaymen Avery Juan Reech and Stan “Dandy” Liver, arsonist Bern M. Down, cereal killer Curt Eldmilk, and the criminal duo of Phil O’Nee and Misty Meaner.
All month: Darwin’s Garage in Pun City is celebrating the 29th anniversary of it’s rebuilding in 1997. All Punsters know the story of this famous landmark where noted anthropologist Eve O’Lucien teamed up with military industrialist Darwin Savoir on an experiment involving rhesus monkeys. Theorizing that monkeys could be trained to do mechanical tasks, the two placed one in Darwin’s Garage and put it to work on military vehicles. It immediately invented the monkey wrench. Soon after, garage owners throughout pun were clamoring to Darwin for grease monkeys of their own. “Simian ape, quick!” they’d plead. The experiment proved to be an unqualified success until one of Darwin’s team tried to teach the monkeys to weld. One monkey got too near a gas pump and the resulting explosion destroyed the garage and littered the area with rhesus pieces. There are discounts all month for vehicle service and repairs, and also for the garage’s Monkeyshines Carwash.
This month’s featured restaurant is Tolkien’s, located in St. Salive. Welcome to Middle Girth! Visiting Tolkien’s could easily become a hobbit. The food is delicious, plentiful, and mordor on diets. Can’t eat it all? Don’t Frodo leftovers away. Ask for a doggy baggins.
Speak Your Mind